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About this episode

Welcome to Honor Your Truth The “Is It True?” Series Episode Seventy-Nine “Speak of the Devil and he will appear” I bring food to the table….all kinds of food. They run me back and forth for various condiments and what not. I run all over for them because that’s my job and I do it well. I do it all with a smile in my quirky sort of way. I am known for my socks. I wear wild and crazy socks. Some people even call me “socks”. Most people have a sock drawer that may include other hosiery and stuff, but I have several drawers for socks alone. We are supposed to wear khaki pants, shorts or skirts. Khaki is neutral to me like jeans….jeans go with anything. I like to think that the uniform doesn’t even factor in, like jeans don’t factor in to the mix. I give myself license to wear any colors and patterns of sock wear whether they technically go with the uniform or not. However, for the past week I have been wearing my khaki skirt with a black shirt and plain black tights like I’m in some kind of mourning. I am annoyed. When I am annoyed, it is bad. I haven’t been annoyed with my job for many years now. I enjoy the restaurant business for the most part. I like being busy, whipping around, making people laugh, horsing around in the kitchen and so on. It’s a living and I’m lucky. I can’t complain. That being said, I have never felt inspired to open my own place like many people have suggested. As much as I like it, my soul is not alive. I can do this job in my sleep. My parents always told me I would never make money doing what I loved which was music and art, so I should keep it as a “side thing”. I believed them… maybe because it was easier. Doing what I loved meant taking risks because I really cared. I was afraid I would never be good enough, yet I always intended to pursue my passions in the time I had off. Slowly my creativity dwindled to the occasional card or gift I’d make for someone and I never played music anymore. I was just too fried all the time. I’d come home peopled-out. I never felt the energy for anything else. In the industry, this is commonly known as restaurant burn-out. The last stop for us is banquets. This is where all the burn-outs end up. You don’t have to talk to anybody. You set it all up, deliver the food, clean it all up, and go home. I went through a phase in the mid nineties when I was totally burnt out and pissed off at everyone. If someone asked me for water, I’d look at them cross-eyed. I was Miss Crabby Pants. I felt put out by people even though it was my job to serve them… like I was being punished by having to do that job. I was feeling sorry for myself. I had become such a victim. Trust me it’s not something I am proud of. One day I was talking to a woman that described her experience with a server who had waited on her. She talked about how the server had turned her whole day around when she was feeling sad and lonely. I felt really bad for having been such a surly server. It was a moment of clarity. We never know who we might be helping at the time, brightening their day when they really need brightening. It also dawned on me that I could quit. No one was forcing me to work there. It was my choice. I took responsibility for my life and my choices. I changed my attitude almost overnight through this awakening. As obvious as it was, it was a revelation to me. I realized I was in control of my own life. I re-decided to do this work and here I am 10+ years later, still waiting tables. People often ask me how I do it. I am always cheery. I feel happy. I like working, being of service. I do a good job. That is until a few weeks ago. Lately, I have been very short fused and angry… annoyed. I don’t want to wait on people. I do my best to cover up my bad attitude because I am the manager, but I feel like a fake, a fraud. I don’t want to be there and I hope no one can tell. I am thinking about all the things I’d rather be doing and I’m not in the present. This is not good. I’m being a whiner to my close friends. That doesn’t feel good either. I notice how it snowballs into more negativity, so I’m doing a mind-set check. I’m changing to an attitude of gratitude. I’m reminding myself that I like my job. I like serving people and bringing sunshine to their day if I can. I make enough money at a time when many people do not make enough. It’s all good. This is not forever if I don’t want it to be. I am not in job jail as some call it. There is really no such thing. It is what I make it. My cup is half full. I Honor My Truth! Debra Hadraba

• Release Date

  Oct 1, 2009

• Runtime

  01:36