I live 11 miles from Ben Quayle's campaign HQ. Apparently someone called the police on us when we were shooting this. A cop parked and stared at us for the last 10 minutes or so of shooting, then followed our car for a few miles after we left.
Ben Quayle and Barack Obama actually do talk exactly like this.
Kevin: Hi, I'm Kevin R. Breen from FAILocracy.com.
Victoria: And I'm Victoria Andrews.
Kevin: We're here today in front of Ben Quayle's campaign headquarters, about to do an interview with not only Ben, who is running for election in Arizona's 3rd congressional district, but also his father, former Vice President Dan Quayle.
Victoria: Now they were supposed to meet us here, but I don't seem to see them anywhere...
Kevin: Yeah, that is weird. Tell you what, we'll split up. You stay here in case they come by while I go look for them.
Victoria: All right, sounds good.
KEVIN WALKS OFF SCREEN
Victoria: Oh, there they are!
CAMERA PANS OVER JUST SLIGHTLY, REVEALING KEVIN'S HAND IN A SOCK PUPPET
Victoria: Mr. Quayle, Mr. Quayle, so glad you could make it.
Ben: So glad to be here!
Victoria: Now first, Ben, now that you've been caught writing explicit material and lying about it on dirtyscottsdale.com You said "my moral compass is so broken I can barely find the parking lot." A lot of people are saying that you don't really believe in the conservative Republican platform on which you're running, and that you're just a puppet for your dad. What do you say to that?
Ben: Well, frankly, I think that's ridiculous!
Victoria: Could we pan the camera over to get Dan in the shot with Ben?
Dan (from offscreen) No! Pretend I'm not here.
Ben: Sorry, my dad can't be in the shot because he run my teleprompter. Quit going off script Ben. No, don't say that part. Or this part. That's it, no ice cream. But dad! (Continues rambling)
Victoria: Ben. Ben!
Ben: Oh yeah, sorry. Anyways, as I was saying, my dad really has nothing to do with this campaign. I have a lot of respect for my dad, but my platform is mine alone. We aren't the same, but we complement each other. It's like he's the meat and I'm the potatauee
Dan: That's potato!
Ben: Well then why did you put the E at the en--
Dan: Shhh!Victoria: Well, your campaign commercial has a lot of people talking because you say that "Barack Obama is the worst president in history," even implying that you're going to go to Washington to "knock the hell out of it." PLAY COMMERCIAL Now first, I have got to say that your voice sounds much more masculine in person!
Ben: Yeah, I was tearing up in that video because I was chopping an onion before filming.
Victoria: Seriously? Your excuse is that you were chopping an onion?
Ben: Yeah, I was making a potatauee salad. Just a minute.
BEN POPS OFF SCREEN AND WHISPERS ARE HEARD, THEN HE COMES BACK
Ben: My dad can't believe you're making that joke.
Victoria: Okay, so you say you're going to go against Obama and "knock the hell" out of Washington. What's you're strategy?
Ben: Oh, yeah, well, Obama must be stopped, so first I need to have a chat with him. We're going to get together a team of elite Republicans like Arnold Schwarzenegger, then we're going to go in to the West Wing to overthrow the Obama, who is practically a dictator. Now, along the way, we'll probably discover a plot far-more sinister than we were led to believe when we were first hired, and innocent lives will be in the balance-
Victoria: Okay, okay. Did you come up with this strategy while watching The Expendables?
Ben: uhh... no! No! That's ridiculous. What, are you suggesting that a legitimate political candidate would take tactical strategy from a Sylvestor Stallone movie? Come on, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!
CUT TO REAGAN QUOTE: "Boy, I saw RAMBO last night. I know what to do the next time this happens."Former US President Ronald Reagan -following the release of 39 American hostages by Lebanese terrorists in 1985
Ben: Oh. Huh. Well, this is awkward.
Victoria: Well, once you get close enough to knock the hell out of Obama, what will you do?
Ben: Oh, easy. I'm going to look him in the eyes, and I'm going to be like, "Go ahead punk! You make my day."
Victoria: It still sounds like you're getting your strategy from movies.
Ben: Let me finish. I'll get all up in his grill! I'll be like, you are screwing up America! You are ruining our freaking country, and I'm going to beat the crap out of you cuz I'm freakin Ben Quayle, bitch!
Victoria: Well you're in luck! You don't have to wait!
A BLACK SOCK PUPPET WALKS ON SCREEN
Obama: Hey Victoria, hey Ben. Whatcha talking about?
Ben: Oh, uhh...
Victoria: You're just in time, Obama, Ben is about to set you straight! You aren't even going to know what hit you!Ben: Oh, well, Victoria, I, uhh...
Victoria: Go ahead, give it to him, Ben.
Obama: Uhh... what's going on?