2012-02-08 2nd journal, Mayan day 12 NightTranscript http://www.scribd.com/doc/81991736NOTE: I'll follow this with another one that was also going to be "private" - ha! Intro:I feel so lost – like I'm wandering around with no helm, with no sense of direction or control. There's some ego dissolving going on, I guess. I don't know, but that's what I suspect – and it's got the funniest trigger. What has thrown me into this funk (or whatever it is) is recognizing and accepting the previous lifetime as Sita. It just doesn't fit for me.There doesn't seem to be anything within this person or ego or identity on which this can hang. It doesn't go with anything. It's such a challenge, making room for it. And I'm laughing in a way, too, for I never would have envisioned this kind of reaction to this news. Strange, it is – simply strange.It seems whatever the structure of Theresa's identity, it's rejecting this new aspect. Am I afraid of it? Possibly. I don't know. All I know at this point is that I'm in a funk, not even able to record a journal for uploading – though there are many available. I've even gone through the titles trying to find one that spoke to me and said, “read me, now.” No such luck. I can't identify with any of them right now.So, how strange is this? How long it will last I don't know, either. I'm so glad so many other things, internally have come together for me before this. There's an internal strength that will see me through this, whatever it is. Overall I know I'm doing fine – even though it doesn't feel like that.I watch and observe. Not knowing what else to do, I wait for the elephant's step on my foot to move. No way seems right just now. There is no one to speak with about this – no one I feel would first, understand, and second, welcome it – be able to make sufficient room for it. What experience does mankind, does any of us have recognizing the ancient deities in ourselves?... Less